Understand

Why cant anyone understand what is going on? Why cant people see into every ones intents and decide if what they do is selfish or unjust? How could things be unequal then? How could we not see good people and gather around them knowing that whatever they do it will be for our good or for the good of all. Is this what makes God a god? Is it his ability to know why people do things? Is it to always do the right for all even if that hurts an individual? Is it his calculating ability to plan out all that is going to happen and make it so? I so wish that I could show people my intentions and let them know I try hard to do things that seem fair. Fair to all. But we really cant do that. We cant know what is going to happen so we cant do what is best for all. We just cant do what will bring everyone happiness in the end. We can only do what we feel will bring us happiness. True happiness not this fake feeling that is ever fleeting that leaves us craving more. Not that happiness but the happiness that never leaves us wanting but always stays feeling enough and feeling full. This is what we need and it will never happen unless we can ask with a sincere heart what is fair to me and fair to my God. I never intend to be unfair but only to do what will make me and my God happy.
In this life there is no unwavering happiness. Everything is fleeting but one. That is peace. Peace is the only thing that we can have that is ours and cant be taken away. Peace that we have done what is right and that what we are is who we are supposed to be. Even that isn't how we can obtain peace. We can just go to the road that God has created for us and follow it and we will have peace. Always moving forward with faith. Moving to godliness. That is peace. And through faith we have peace.
Sometimes we lose sight of that, and we have to rectify our mistake, even at the cost of others. That is the price of losing that path. We lose the right to have what we want for a time. Until we can faithfully say that our will is Gods will we cant have everything we want.

Open Our Eyes

Do you know what bugs me? I am tired of people loosing priority. My self especially. When you ask yourself what is the most important thing to you, what is your answer? Is it sports, is it playing, is it friends, religion, and etc... I am not sure what the most important thing to me is right now, but I know the most important thing should be. I think that it is the other people around us. We neglect those around us so often. We are thoughtless of their feelings and we are forgetful of their want and needs. They are what really matter. We spend so much time wishing we were somewhere else or wanting to know about the celestial cosmos. We look so much at what is around us that we loose sight of who is around around us. We need to look to them first. We need to see them for who they are and try and help them best we can. Mankind with all its intellect and knowledge cannot free ourselves from our worst vices. We are continually making life harder for those around us and therefore making life harder for ourselves. Why do we do that? What driving force is so powerful that it causes us to be greedy and forget those we love and those who need help? I am definitely a sufferer from these problems of man. If everyone could forget themselves as an individual and remember themselves as a race of all man and all creation the world would never be the same. We would not have wars. We would not have hunger. We would not have the pain of suffering earth beneath our feet. We ask ourselves why the Lord would let such things happen, and why there is evil in the world. What we should ask is why does man let such things happen? Why cant we ascend to a level of living where we see the earth and its resources not as mine but as ours? When will we stop causing the pain and the suffering of others for the momentary pleasure of ourselves? When will we forget ourselves and see humanity.

Just Love

Have you ever been way over protective of someone? You don't mean to its just that someone you love has been hurt, and you suddenly feel that you need to make sure that they never get hurt again no matter how serious (or unserious) the original injury was? I feel that I need to do that. I know that it probably wont help and it might even make things worse but it is so scary when someone you love is either in danger or just out of danger. It feels like no matter what you do nothing will help and you have no control. I feel bad when I do this. It just makes things harder for both people and then they just feel like you are trying to control their lives but you aren't trying to control their lives, you are trying to protect their lives. Trying to protect the life that means everything to you. You don't even want to change that life you just want to take out the parts of their life that can hurt them, and even then you don't want to do that it just feels that unless it does go away you will never rest easy, but of course you probably will never rest easy anyway. Something can always hurt and someone can always be hurt. We all are in danger, so I guess what I am trying to say is that the best thing for people to do in a situation like this is just love and always be there to help them stand up when they have fallen, help them do what they really want to do and love them for it.

Sorry if this seems out of whack and hard to understand. I was just saying what came to my head and most of the time what comes to my head doesn't make to much sense.

Graduated!!!

Well I graduated. That's pretty cool. It so long and I wish that I could have worked harder. I would have done a lot lot better if I would have just applied myself and then maybe I would get a scholarship to a good university, but with how things are I will just have to work harder. I can do it though. I have to show people that I can get things done and I can do them well. I feel that people don't really have faith in me when it comes to that. They don't think that I will do a good job on my own even if I am capable. Anyway I guess that I will just have to show them what I can do, and one day I know that I will be able to look back and say that I did good and that I have done what I can to make my family happy and content because in the end, that is all that truly matters, that your family is safe and at peace. Well I have to go now. I have some other things I would like to blog but that will probably be at a later date.

Wow

Wow.... That took forever and a day. I never thought that I would care so much about the face of my blog but I do. I figured out what I could do and that took forever. I had to customize the one I have so it would be what I want because it had something that I really didn't like on it. I was so frustrated because I loved the layout but there was just one thing wrong with it, but now I am okay. I have conquered the layout and the layout is now mine. I even tried to make my own and I did an okay job but it wasn't what I wanted. I guess I will try again later and learn what to do and pay more attention.
Anyway, I don't really have anything to do this week. Whitney is out of town on a camp with her family. I worry about her a lot. Its just when she does anything that could possibly... well easily hurt her I get nervous. It is hard for me not to think of anything else. I know that whatever happens will be for my good and for hers, but I am still really worried. I know she will be okay. She is awesome and will live. Haha I don't really know what I am writing I just like to blog I guess. My attitude to blogging will probably change in a while, after I stop caring as much, and it isn't as new. Well I am off to do a months worth of homework in a day. Wish me luck.... ha.

Oh What Should I Do?

Wow. I just redid my background and it was a pain in the rear. It took forever and I ended on one that I don't really like but I am too tired to change it again. The problem is that when I find on I like the colors and so messed up that it can't be read and that is really annoying. Even if I change the colors it doesn't work because of the variance of colors in the layouts that I like. Any way that is just what I felt like writing but whatever. I think that I need a break from everything. To just go to a cabin with someone I care deeply for. That would be amazing right now. I am so tired of the world and how things are working out for me. Everything seems to culminate against me. Each time that I feel that something is going good, I do something that either ruins it or makes that something really hard on me and others. I am quite sick of it. I don't think that it is going to go away either. Maybe that is what like is? Maybe it is the never-ending river of trial and error. My job is to travel up river in a boat with no oar. That is just what it feels like now. I am not sure what the future will hold. I have a specific idea of what I want but I feel that the chances of that are minimal. I am not sure how to proceed. Should I go against all I want and will that eventually bring me what I want or should I continue on the path that I am on and hope for the best? I don't believe in just hope though. I believe that I what I make happen will happen, but when it involves someone else there is only so much that you can do. I can only try so hard. I can only make so many sacrifices. I can only resist what is placed before me. Then I am gone and all I have worked for all I have done will be for placed upon someone else. They have to live with that for so long. Can I do that to someone? What other options do I have? I can't take anything back that has already happened. I would never take anything that has happened in my life back. I don't know what those things have done for me. I don't know what my failures have brought me and I don't know what my trials have created. I am not sure what else I could be and I am semi-happy with how I am now. All I know is that I am afraid. I am afraid of the future. I know that if I do what is right then I will get what is best for me, but I can barely live with that uncertainty. Oh what should I do? I think that I should just love and only love.

My Mind

My mind seems like a never ending waterfall of thoughts and ideas. It is never ceasing and always dictating my actions. I can never stay focused on one thing for more than a few hours and even then I have episodes of a wandering mind. I have to try to beat them out of my head and slowly gain back my control over what I see.