Oh What Should I Do?

Wow. I just redid my background and it was a pain in the rear. It took forever and I ended on one that I don't really like but I am too tired to change it again. The problem is that when I find on I like the colors and so messed up that it can't be read and that is really annoying. Even if I change the colors it doesn't work because of the variance of colors in the layouts that I like. Any way that is just what I felt like writing but whatever. I think that I need a break from everything. To just go to a cabin with someone I care deeply for. That would be amazing right now. I am so tired of the world and how things are working out for me. Everything seems to culminate against me. Each time that I feel that something is going good, I do something that either ruins it or makes that something really hard on me and others. I am quite sick of it. I don't think that it is going to go away either. Maybe that is what like is? Maybe it is the never-ending river of trial and error. My job is to travel up river in a boat with no oar. That is just what it feels like now. I am not sure what the future will hold. I have a specific idea of what I want but I feel that the chances of that are minimal. I am not sure how to proceed. Should I go against all I want and will that eventually bring me what I want or should I continue on the path that I am on and hope for the best? I don't believe in just hope though. I believe that I what I make happen will happen, but when it involves someone else there is only so much that you can do. I can only try so hard. I can only make so many sacrifices. I can only resist what is placed before me. Then I am gone and all I have worked for all I have done will be for placed upon someone else. They have to live with that for so long. Can I do that to someone? What other options do I have? I can't take anything back that has already happened. I would never take anything that has happened in my life back. I don't know what those things have done for me. I don't know what my failures have brought me and I don't know what my trials have created. I am not sure what else I could be and I am semi-happy with how I am now. All I know is that I am afraid. I am afraid of the future. I know that if I do what is right then I will get what is best for me, but I can barely live with that uncertainty. Oh what should I do? I think that I should just love and only love.