Geez

Well I am awake and I should not be awake. I am giving myself the worst habit of staying up later than I should. I really don't like it... but I guess I don't care enough to do anything about it. Why are people stupid like that. I know there are a lot of people who get to sleep at a good hour, but that is not what I am talking about. I am talking about bad habits. We all have them. Every single person in the world has one. And I don't think that I am exaggerating that much if at all. Why do we do these things? Why is it so ingrained in our nature to build bad habits and tear down good habits. It seems to me that getting a bad habit is like getting hungry, you want to do something, even if it isn't wise, and you do it. It is the same as getting hungry and then satisfying that hunger. It is so... well I don't know right now it is just stupid that we cant seem to control ourselves that much. Why cant I just go to sleep at a good hour? Why cant I stick to going to the gym for more than a couple of months at a time? Why does it seem that everything that we could do to build ourselves is so much harder than things we can do to destroy ourselves.
What is a habit anyway? Why do people get this act into themselves and then find it almost uncomfortable to do it? Even for good habits, after doing them for so long, why do we feel unfulfilled when we don't do it for a bit? I truly don't understand why we cant craft ourselves into the people that we want to be, without a never ending list of ridiculously hard things to do, and more importantly keep doing. I guess if I want to know the answer I could look into psychology, but I am not so sure that the answer they give would be satisfying to my curiosity. I just wish that when I was young I would have built those good habits when the bad habits had not yet fully formed. It is so frustrating to look back at your life and thing if only I had known what I know now. How my life would have changed. I guess that is the point of life. They say learn from other peoples mistakes. I don't think that is possible. We never ever learn from other peoples mistakes. To me it is impossible. You might say "but Kendall of course it is possible. How else could you avoid such things as drugs and premarital sex?" Well we don't truly learn from the people who have made these mistakes. Sure we might take something from our observations, but what we really do is take what we see and decide to make a decision of what we observe and how the consequences of our actions may pan out, and that decisions consequences are what truly teach us. We see yes not doing drugs has made it so I am happy. Yes abstaining from sex before marriage does make my life easier. Yes doing service does help me to feel good about myself, and so on and so forth. To me the only way to learn is to act in a way we feel is right and see if that way leads to feelings and situations that we like, and if not then we must make a course correction, and we learn that we either chose correctly or we were wrong and need to choose another path. This is just what I think and what I think changes often, so what I think now may be B.S. to a future me.