Wow

Wow.... That took forever and a day. I never thought that I would care so much about the face of my blog but I do. I figured out what I could do and that took forever. I had to customize the one I have so it would be what I want because it had something that I really didn't like on it. I was so frustrated because I loved the layout but there was just one thing wrong with it, but now I am okay. I have conquered the layout and the layout is now mine. I even tried to make my own and I did an okay job but it wasn't what I wanted. I guess I will try again later and learn what to do and pay more attention.
Anyway, I don't really have anything to do this week. Whitney is out of town on a camp with her family. I worry about her a lot. Its just when she does anything that could possibly... well easily hurt her I get nervous. It is hard for me not to think of anything else. I know that whatever happens will be for my good and for hers, but I am still really worried. I know she will be okay. She is awesome and will live. Haha I don't really know what I am writing I just like to blog I guess. My attitude to blogging will probably change in a while, after I stop caring as much, and it isn't as new. Well I am off to do a months worth of homework in a day. Wish me luck.... ha.

Oh What Should I Do?

Wow. I just redid my background and it was a pain in the rear. It took forever and I ended on one that I don't really like but I am too tired to change it again. The problem is that when I find on I like the colors and so messed up that it can't be read and that is really annoying. Even if I change the colors it doesn't work because of the variance of colors in the layouts that I like. Any way that is just what I felt like writing but whatever. I think that I need a break from everything. To just go to a cabin with someone I care deeply for. That would be amazing right now. I am so tired of the world and how things are working out for me. Everything seems to culminate against me. Each time that I feel that something is going good, I do something that either ruins it or makes that something really hard on me and others. I am quite sick of it. I don't think that it is going to go away either. Maybe that is what like is? Maybe it is the never-ending river of trial and error. My job is to travel up river in a boat with no oar. That is just what it feels like now. I am not sure what the future will hold. I have a specific idea of what I want but I feel that the chances of that are minimal. I am not sure how to proceed. Should I go against all I want and will that eventually bring me what I want or should I continue on the path that I am on and hope for the best? I don't believe in just hope though. I believe that I what I make happen will happen, but when it involves someone else there is only so much that you can do. I can only try so hard. I can only make so many sacrifices. I can only resist what is placed before me. Then I am gone and all I have worked for all I have done will be for placed upon someone else. They have to live with that for so long. Can I do that to someone? What other options do I have? I can't take anything back that has already happened. I would never take anything that has happened in my life back. I don't know what those things have done for me. I don't know what my failures have brought me and I don't know what my trials have created. I am not sure what else I could be and I am semi-happy with how I am now. All I know is that I am afraid. I am afraid of the future. I know that if I do what is right then I will get what is best for me, but I can barely live with that uncertainty. Oh what should I do? I think that I should just love and only love.

My Mind

My mind seems like a never ending waterfall of thoughts and ideas. It is never ceasing and always dictating my actions. I can never stay focused on one thing for more than a few hours and even then I have episodes of a wandering mind. I have to try to beat them out of my head and slowly gain back my control over what I see.